The biggest obstacle to love

At this time last year, I took my dating class to New York, Where a total of more than 100 trainees conducted systematic dating and relationship building exercises under my guidance. This process is unique, and from all the surprisingly similar social error which I also found that hinder everyone to get a good relationship the biggest obstacle.

In my course, there is a very important concept called empathy, referring to our understanding and feelings of others emotions and status, and to give appropriate response and support capabilities. Do not know how to empathy? For example, when we dating to hear each other:

• To tell you about a difficult start-up story, and reluctantly admitted that the project has now can not continue to go, had to give up.
• complaints are being wronged by the boss today, for the mistakes of others and back.
• confident family on their own personal problems, but they are really reluctant to find someone to marry.

How do you answer these expressions when you hear sugar baby ? Most of the answers in my class are as follows:

• This industry is now the situations? Where is the problem, there are ways to remedy it? I know a friend is doing this line, I consulted him to give you some suggestions, right?
• Why back blame ah? You go and explain to the boss 
• You family specifically asked how do you like？ What kind of person are you looking for?

I guess you will probably feel more than normal to answer nothing wrong. Yes, these response are logically no problem, your mind is to solve the problem as soon as possible, so that the other is no longer unhappy. But you have to think about each other from the point of view, these problems can be resolved about it? The other side of the intention is really solve the problem? For you to talk to others, I have a lot of hard to express, but two people are doing to discuss how to solve. This situation will make you happy?

His speech would like to say a happy, others want to address as soon as possible. The reason why we do not understand empathy, because many people are not good at the face of emotions, especially negative emotions. The above topic is clearly a lot of negative emotions, we are out of self-protection, intentionally or unintentionally, ignore each other's emotions and situation, self fish things to the very logical, very rational, very objective direction. can not handle emotions, not empathy in my opinion this is the lack of empathy ability. This is also the biggest obstacle to love.